Just me venting...

I try to be a "good Christian" but I am far from perfect. I do have girls that make me insanely happy but I won't be posting too much about them here so I don't hurt anyone's feelings because I honestly support and love all of you ttc. Just like having a baby after a loss does not heal a loss (my son can't be replaced) my desire to have another child comes from a place in my heart filled with love.  I hurt and feel like my body has betrayed me.  My neighbor could care less and drops them out like tic-tacs (there's my good Christian stock dropping!) There is a 5 year gap between my youngest and the middle and my youngest is 9. Yes, DH is spiritual and believes it will happen, as a nurse I am conflicted because I know medically how it can realistically be accomplished.  Most of my family doesn't understand. Just like they pretend my 3 losses never happened.  DH gets me excited when AF is late and then I feel like I let him down, while Ms Tic-Tac stays home all day having babies by different daddies and watching tv or sittin on her step feeding the newborn I'm afraid to hold cuz I won't want to give her back while yellin at her other kids for leaning on her back to give her a hug while she's sitting there ( true story). PHEW! They're not lettin' me in the church this Sunday....